It’s Wednesday, so with alliteration fast becoming one of the candidates for my core values…
I wanted to talk about writing. With a W! Many times I write with my right pointer finger on my phone in Evernote.
So I posted a fantastic article from copyblogger about first drafts which were so rough for me for awhile. This helps me a lot.
Tada, powerful info on writing – basically showing up and getting going. That’s a big obvious one.
So read that, then begin… Sounds good to me.
When I laid down to write, propped up against pillows (so my new tatas get a nice shape) with my big wolf stuffie resting under my knees, the following words knocked at my mind.
In two months, I’m going to relive my story and let it go. (Two months?!)
Into a bunch of little stories and moments.
And weave it into a new life. A new story. Let in the light through the cracks in the wall or the broken glass windows.
I’ve thought a lot about metaphors for transformation – to help when I need to step out of my head and see things, feel things, in a new way.
But sometimes there are no words – or too many to choose from.
A picture can speak in any language, volumes.
This would be a story that would build a new life of its own out of my soul. Starting by capturing raw moments where I wanted to connect or express myself in a meaningful way.
I could see it like magic in my head. The digital books, the story architecture, how my path could go. What I might encounter. How to circumvent and how to endure. Everything I needed. Locked up.
How to get it out? What catalysts would I need to help me find my center in this perfect storm?
But I had hit a wall. Hard. Repeatedly. I needed to dig deep. At that point I think it just happens. It’s hard but you know what to do to find the answer.
So when I found myself in the worst of some of my bigger fiascos, after spending the morning rolling around on the carpet in an apartment belonging to a man who gave me a place to rest, bought me groceries and did my laundry, I decided I needed a solid plan.
There, on spice and cigarettes, with cheap carpet under me (I prefer shag and Berber but wood or parquet too… Don’t get me started on surfaces. 😉 ), amid the din of my wildly rowdy mind, I formulated a plan so simple I could do it when I was a mess – and there build myself back up from a very broken place.
It would need to be a rebellious plan – something that felt frivolous would work because I was in serious trouble.
Then it came to me. Followed by a sudden brief quietness.
I would take selfies.
Mostly. Other things too of course. Anything that moved me.
That would be my job. I’d figure out how to make it pay.
Fuck money, actually.
This was about more. This was about my soul – which I feel is the essence of life but not limited to this life.
Every day I would look deep into my soul, my eyes, and be at peace with myself using my iPhone 4.
Not just once a day. Anytime I felt moved to, anytime I thought about it. Think. Click. Yay.
For that second I could be present.
For that second I could write a million words into that picture with my soul looking back at me. And just be.
And second by second, I would pull my shattered self together at the right time.
It might be a bit disjointed, a bit raw. Just so you know.
Much of my recovery has to do with the mind and the heart – but I like to be practical about it.
(We can talk about the balance between managing expectations and believing in miracles another time.)
I intend to take some deep dives on some tougher topics as well as fiddle around on the shores with my toes in the sand – while I recover from the breast cancer experience and finish surgeries, work through chemo brain and attention fatigue, PTSD symptoms, and share my experiences in transformation using technology plus whatever is around me.
Like I enjoyed watching them do on spy shows. Sydney Bristow from Alias, Nikita from Nikita, Burn Notice …
Speaking of using whatever resources I can, I’m joining the conversation on healing as I recover from breast cancer (cancer free now!).
I’d like to talk about the integrated mind/body/spirit or soul work I have experienced and explored with the medical system too. I don’t feel it has to be either or.
Soul work, I believe, is best done in a fun, loving and fearless way. To me fearless, by the way – as you may notice in the word itself – starts with fear. It’s ok to feel it sometimes, but it’s also ok to say boo back. Then fear becomes less. To make way for the boo.
Also fun are surprises. Good surprises.
So be assured (and warned!) that there are all kinds of conflicts, twists and turns in my personal story as well as the fiction and creative non fiction to come.
I hope you are okay with it and subscribe for as long as it makes sense for you!
I plan to tackle life’s tough topics with love, lots of yummy healthy food ideas, tips on how to love yourself in tough times – or with no money lol – and some strange, silly, sick, sweet, and who knows what else, stories and ideas about everything from the mundane to the magical.
Dun dun dun.
But our first stop I think, will be pictures.
Selfies, I mean.
We’ll see what happens. Stay tuned. 😘
PS: Random quote from me:
I like to say I found love in a hopeless place (thanks Rhianna for that song) – and I think it was there all along. ❤️
#love #hope #music #transforming