Want to take a walk down mammary lane with me?
I thought I would tell my life story from the perspective of my late boobs. So as to get their words of wisdom and truth in writing (since soon they would be gone to Tata Heaven), I dedicated November to writing every day with them until we hit 50,000 words.
Because it’s National Novel Writing Month (oh look alliteration again!) – aka NanoWriMo.
We who participate in Nanowrimo are known as Rhinos. I have been a rhino 3 times and won twice.
Winning is for finishing at all – a concept I like very much. I finished over 50,000 words dedicated to my boobs desire to tell it like it was, in about 3 weeks, writing every morning.
I wrote this part differently than any of the other novels (more about this later), because it was a lot of writing about some very personal things in a short time while I went through chemo.
I had a lot working against me but that gave me a lot to work with too. I’ll write about that on another day – maybe Wacky Wednesday Writing.
Honest writing is important to me. I think there is a challenge sometimes in being truthful and kind in communication, but I think it’s a worthy one.
Fiction is challenging for me. Maybe because I got in trouble a lot for lying. 😜 I think I was actually dyslexic most of the time as sometimes it seems I still am. Like I meant why instead of no or yes or whatever I thot was the right answer.
“Did you return your book to the library?”
“Yes? No?” By then I had already lied. I wanted to say “why?” That seemed very risky at ages 4 through 10 in particular but really, even now. Risky word “why” can be.
The mammaries witnessed a lot even before they had matured. (Blossomed?)
Mainly, why don’t I feel okay with asking why?
I tended to my chest early. Wanted to pose in my mom’s bikini on the balcony in Singapore when I was 4.
Had to fill the empty cups with something eventually. Socks. Not realistic enough. Tangerines! Not a natural enough shape.
Maybe tangerines and socks.
I tried to offer this handy chest juice to my little brother who was confused and interested – because tangerines are yum but why wouldn’t I just peel the tangerines and let him eat them like usual instead of trying to squeeze the juice through my pink leotard that I borrowed from a friend who had recently come to Asia from America.
There were a lot of kids in their family – many girls. The girls had these cute dark pink wrap around skirts and pastel leotards. I wished I had a sister.
Little bro wanted tangerines. The leotard got tangerine juice on it. I worried my friend would get mad. I took the tangerines out, peeled them and took out seeds for my baby brother.
I soaked it and washed it and tried stain removal with the bar soap. I wished I could send the stain away like the pepper would run away when I put a soap bar in water with pepper on it.
I remember feeling very bad about this.
Thankfully the sister I borrowed the leotard from was very understanding.
I felt bad about my younger brother. The other brother had immediately refused. I felt bad about that too.
But it was fun getting my other girlfriend to join me in putting tangerines in her shirt. She was bold. I wanted it to be more of a secret operation / experiment.
Then I wondered why.
To be continued in future walks down mammary lane.
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Bonus Feature: Money Mongering
Okay so financial woes are something that many people have experienced.
Money. The time has come to challenge old beliefs and change my feelings about money.
Mongering doesn’t have the greatest ring to it but it does make Monday’s post pretty alliterative.
Monger originated as a name for a tradesperson, (Wikipedia uses the example “fishmonger”) but I’ve always heard it in a negative context.
But when I thought about it again, I thought money mongering was perfect to explain some my deepest feelings about money.
I never liked money mongering.
To me this is pretending to be genuine about something but really being more about the money, and yet somehow not just coming out and being about the money in an honest way. Own it.
The main issue with this approach is that there are direct roads to all kinds of places besides Rome, but if you say you want to go to Rome, it’s different.
Some roads may also intersect with roads to Rome but it’s not very direct.
But money mongering does not have to be that. It could be better.
It could be something besides money mongering as it was known to me.
But what we resist persists so…
I figured I’d drop any resentment or negative feelings towards money mongering – and instead embrace a new healthier outlook on money and enjoying the idea of lots of it.
Because why not?
My money homework for this week from my coach T is to …
Buy a juicer!
I explained I want a masticating juicer (more enzymes for health) that is easy to travel with. I have been looking at some …
But I have also been looking at the how – and I was stuck in an old approach and perspective. How can I afford this… Which is ok but not a great feeling yet.
But maybe simplify.
It’s very windy in Las Vegas today. Winds of change?