I was built for temptation and sin, I’ve been told.
Does that include pain?
Is it why I feel in pictures of me
With my back up facing the rain?
For years? Every day. Bless the pain.
Once I talked to my old lovers wife,
We agreed on so much –
Strangely or not,
He smirked “make love?!” The first time –
I thought his cuddles were hot.
We agreed that GI Jane had wisdom about pain –
It means you aren’t dead yet.
What does dead feel like though?
An out of body experience?
A Lucid dream?
Be honest now.
Does it maybe feel like not being seen?
Like you’re a ghost and there’s a dream –
Does it feel like not being heard?
Like a backwards breath –
A long silent scream?
Or is it nothing and is that better
Than having one doubt your humanity?
Till the one turn to many –
And our worship becomes vanity.
What is it really? Have you peered through their eyes too?
Warmed your feet inside their shoes?
How do you know them?
How do you know you?
I doubt you know all of me.
I’d like to change that. I feel bad that I could not find it in myself to tell the truth.
That I didn’t know what it was in words.
But I always felt it in my bones
Breathing sharply down my spine.
Till my back hurt so much
The snakes, kundalini, the spine our support –
Think of those who died and where they bore their scars –
I’ll tell you what I feel different
And how you could make them a legend –
If they’re dead-dead or dead-alive.
Sometimes we need a reboot in the form of a story.
We need something charming –
And if God is everything and more,
He is that also.
We’re his children they said.
Maybe the joke is that gods image meant skin.
What if it meant energy?
What if our mission is ngosis?
To experience sensation and evolve what that means?
What if the enemy of ngosis is the real enemy?
Bang bang.
