I looked at the heaven and hell in the world and in me in every reflection. I could not escape it and so I ran towards everything I feared. And I said take me but when you take me, you take you.
And then I stood alone.
I faced my demons so I could learn about them and with that knowledge reduce the suffering that they brought us.
I dedicated my pain to healing on some balcony in a cold California.
I ran in the dark. I danced down the streets. I cried in the shade of a dumpster.
But I could not outrun myself. My body turned on me and would not let me rest until I surrendered to my own perfection.
I sat in the booth of the diner-ish coffee shop on a busy street where we agreed to meet. They had excellent coffee. Seated facing the entrance like I’d learned to do from spy shows, I was sure to spot her coming in. I’d be there so if she got cold feet and changed her mind I could go after her. I looked down at my coffee mug. It felt like a moment and then someone was standing beside me. There she was, slim, athletic, a fair-skinned brunette wearing dark leggings and a soft big gray sweater with a turtleneck underneath. Only her face and hands were showing. She was finally ready to tell me her story. “What kind of coffee do they serve here?” “The best,” I said. We smiled. I waved to the courteous young gentleman server. He came over. “What can I get for you?” “Another of your awesome brew for my friend,” I said. “With cream please,” she added. He smiled. “I’ll be right back with that.” “I don’t know where to start,” she began. “Whatever comes to mind first,” I offered. She started to take a deep breath and her gaze went towards the wall. “I never said no. Never called for help. I just moved my hips so it didn’t hurt as much. He had made his point. This was an act of dominance and my submission would come with a price, but not higher than the price of my resistance. I can take a lot of pain and stay lucid.” “With every thrust I surrendered and relaxed. I hoped I would heave but I was too strong for that. I felt a tremendous aching, the pulsing after the deep sharp pain only a small percentage of the population know, those of us who stay late for the punishment. It was as if immediate relief might hurt more.” She held my hand with an urgency and hesitation. Her words flowed but I knew it was because they were pumping through her heart with her blood. I looked into her mind and saw her sobbing. I felt the sudden expression of emotion want to make an appearance but the silence was too precious to break. I didn’t move my hand. Not even to hold hers. I knew from my own experience to let her hold the world with this moment of stillness that filled the pause after her confession. This moment was hers. I would make sure of it. Her far-away look faded as if she turned into another one of her selves and I found myself staring into her pupils. She was me. With purple pupils. I woke up.
Plate balancing with a book - figure 8 for left and right brain balancing.
Tuesday I did triple health duty – psychiatrist office for the monthly visit plus meeting with my BST/PSR (basic skills trainer, psychosocial rehab person) – a weekly thing.
A good support team is essential!
I had the dr office all to myself. We were in and out and had some time so a coffee shop ‘twas to work on my list of things with my awesome BST/PSR.
Surprises awaited. I know, spoiler. But I get excited when the big U(niverse) leaves
delightful experiences for me to discover.
So, cafe Americano with room for cream in hand – as we looked for a table an Asian woman in a nice beige sweater and jeans approached me and asked if I wanted a free aura reading.
Does Miko want a free aura reading? Does the sun shine?! Lol.
There was a sign up for free aura reading, a machine where you put your hands (for bio feedback), and a laptop. I sat at the coffee bar and put my hands on the machine.
Here are the pics.
Aura reading #biofeedback
My first aura reading #yellow #busymind #creative #bodytension #blockages
Aura reading 1
Check out the pie chart.
Next I learned about plate balancing – but with a book. Figure 8 motion to balance left and right brain and open up the upper body. Left and right. Creek! 🙂 I am still getting to know my new body. I love this exercise.
Plate balancing starting pose.Plate balancing with a book – figure 8 for left and right brain balancing.Plate balancing with a book left side – figure 8 for left and right brain balancing.Plate balancing with a book left side – figure 8 for left and right brain balancing. Creeek goes my body. Lol.
I asked if I could see how the exercise changed my aura with a second reading.
Green and check out the pie chart: Balance! Yay!
Aura reading results 2 after plate (book) balancing exercise #biofeedbackHealing with these lovely ladies.
Inspired, my trainer and I went to find a nice table and finish my session. I’ve been wanting to add breast cancer resources to my blog but found it very difficult to focus, I’d get overwhelmed and stuck in whats-happening-land. #hittingthatwall
It’s getting better. I pulled out my Dang Thang orange notebook and pencil on the nice table we found outside and made an outline with a little help over the hump. Easy peasy Japanesey. 🙂
