Written last night – streaming my soul fire into language. Perhaps you relate or resonate. All healing begins on the soul level. This is a universal truth. The energetic body is real and powerful. This is my story.
The sun ☀️ kissed my face, so I took a picture. Mystic Miko style ❤️🔥🖤😎😇🌟
Yeah baby. I’m owning it. I have grown beyond tired of people offering suggestions of what to do with my life. As if I am not doing something spectacular or don’t know what I’m doing, lol. But I do learn a lot from their views. There’s a lot I don’t know, I mean my schooling has been untraditional to say the least, but I’ve known things beyond my years and any formal education that I set aside for a long time until they burned in my body. And here we are.
I see timelines and probabilities. I can feel mental and emotional states and intention with my body. I’m extremely cerebral, a lovely loft to hide in, but I build things there. Then I can pivot like I invented it, because mostly I’m detached except for the Now and whatever my heart brings to it. I built this huge project only to let it go and make something of itself so I brought no old mind to it. I have cycled through many minds. My incredible sense of brokenness became a vast openness, I have hovered outside my body while in it, I have looked through people’s eyes through the Ethernet through their words so I could share their love when I couldn’t feel my own, remind them of theirs, and teach myself again how to love as others love and through careful presence, begin to reMember my own love. It is the most important thing a Mother can do. I always wanted to be a Mother, ever since my chubby little brother with his arm rolls and spikey hair. A person can make a person? Magick.
I stopped listening to things that seemed contradictory to me from how people applied the Bible, one of my first books of stories, illustrated like a comic. I already knew when I read the stories, I was not quite like Eve, but they only had Eve with Adam. They never talked about Lilith. I stopped listening because I heard that there are only two commandments…
To love the lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy mind, and
To love thy neighbor as thyself.
Simple enough! Away with devotions. Lol. We have singular focus.
Here’s the thing though – who is thyself? How did you come to know yourself as the person you are? Did a culture groom you to be part of its hive? You would always wake up eventually and every time you incarnate, your cells are programmed with new information, your heart sends out electromagnetic currents that communicate with the other toroidal fields around other hearts, and then you wake up, bit by bit, or in a big burst. And you do it all over again in some other way, in some other world, splitting off and expanding as is the nature of Life.
This is the point of no return. And also the point of return. Because as above, so below, in all directions, like prisms. When I saw the prisms in the movie Pollyanna, I saw prisms in people. I knew if I said what I saw even in my untraditional childhood I would suffer for it. I remembered suffering for speaking. Past lives cycle through my mind as I walk and interact, between the day and the dream world where I travel and remember, and bring understanding to all timelines I have been a part of through my own energetic form, visiting each pivotal moment and shifting my response.
Eventually, I would no longer be able to hide in the dream world. Eventually, I would not care to be understood, but I would savor a shared understanding deeply.
Eventually, I would cherish my life and love so fiercely I would burn through the protective shell that hid the truth of who I was, the truth that earned me jealousy and sabotage and betrayal, dismissal, and emotional neglect and contempt. Eventually, I would feel safe to be soft, to be sweet, to be silly, to make some new kind of love to share. Meanwhile I hugged myself in the mirror as a lonely little girl. I cared for others like I wished to be cared for. I looked into my fears, into my darkness. I pushed myself to find the light switch without fear and I noticed my sight changed when I did not fight my fears but sat with them, let them teach me about love.
I’ve known how people and machines are programmed since I was 4. It’s all communication intention and language at the highest levels. We also, our god selves which are our creative nature, create in our own image – things filled with everything we are but cannot see, and everything we think we make, because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Yes, I can design, I can code if I need/want to, I can do a lot of things because I like to know how – but with every single one of these things comes a deep insight into the human condition and this is not a technical skill. This is mastery. I did not go through all this holy hell and deep water to split myself again into a role that does not appreciate everything I bring, much of which is inexplicable because it is experiential, where the truth of soul lies, and inspired action springs from, where deception cannot contaminate through language, a popular form of spell casting because with our words we breathe our soul fyre into life and with our ignorance we create chaos that we cannot help ourselves out of without external intervention. This is chaos magick. This is why I started talking about the heyoka empath, the sacred clown, the trickster, because those of us who have seen and felt the pain of evil intent and commanded a greater love out of ourselves, we know how to speak to all the levels of consciousness that seek healing, we know how to touch the heart and short circuit the mind, and because we have known oppression and isolation and psychological bondage and refused to become it, we can be the soul mirror for liberation, we can sit with the imprisoned and share their pain, and help them accept their love. It’s all an inside job, the external is merely a reflection; in every slave, I can see myself, in every master, I too can see myself. If we are all connected, individual expressions of a greater consciousness, then we can invoke the universal nature in each other with intention, and set the world afire heart by heart instead of through Mother Earth.
I have not come this far to get by. I realize people don’t know how hard I push myself through this, to stay in some step with life as I feel that the earth is not only beneath my feet but I am the earth beneath my feet, that the air is not only all around me, but it is me – standing my ground as I can stand, while also letting life take me with its currents, sinking into the pain, melting into the joy, breaking my own spell of silence by turning myself inside out, turning my stumbles into dances one awkward practice at a time, until I pulled the rhythm of my own soul to surface in my cells from the belly of the soul where God rests. Carl Jung knew this. He said modern man does not find God because he doesn’t look low enough. We have to marry the mind with the heart and the soul on a subatomic particle level, and because of the nature we are beginning to remember, it requires only willingness, openness and curiosity. The rest flows from the magick that is the architecture of the human being in full motion, and what a joy it is!
As I keep seeking to be true to expressions of my own rich love, slowly I am able to receive love also, and magick brings it to me in the tiniest ways until I can receive more, until I remember how great my capacity is to experience it all and let it overflow out of me to heal, to inspire, to enjoy, to appreciate, to savor, to create, to wield my sword of truth with loving care, and then to comfort and restore. There is no room for hate in this flow. I’ve known incredible hate, and I could not understand it. The things I’ve done to keep love alive inside me came from the realization that it was all I had that would never leave or hurt me. And I wanted everyone to have that constance that can never be taken away.
Now tell me to get a job. Not until I have finished my golden love project, put the pieces of the books together that I wrote in pieces, and gift them to you. My job is to follow the flow that has saved me, to eat when I’m hungry, sleep when I’m tired, and dance when I want to feel freedom through music and movement.
We are a harsh world no more. First there will be some reorganizing to do, and it might shock some, but then we will make space for joy. It’s my belief that a true warrior not only swiftly brings an end to an unavoidable conflict but heals and restores after, and sets the once wounded free.
We have a world with room for beauty and grace and elegance, and adventure, exploration, invention, celebration and a joyful noise.
So to end with a little story in my words – back to Lilith. Do you know she was before Eve, and that she rode Adam and he whined to God, so God made him a new woman from his ribs, and sent Lilith to the demons, and she said fine, they do pleasure better anyway! Lol. Well, in my journeys I have been told by people I reminded them of Lilith. Sounds about right. Hahaha. I finally channeled her in the mirror and it was pretty fun.
These characters are all aspects we have inside us anyway, to the extent that we can see it.
Well in practical matters, I like magick too. Tomorrow morning I see my cancer surgeon to make some beneficial collaborations to help support those with breast cancer from the things I have learned.
You gotta know, for me to be this far out I have to have wicked strategy skills. 😉 Wicked problem management is its own specialty!!
I have to remind myself, this is where I shine ✨🌟 after all I been through I see with my in*sight – incredible things actually – insights that save relationships and lives because I can go into the subconscious dark of the soul blind and feel for where love is hiding, and sit and wait until my body says it’s time to light a fire and clear a path. Then I surrender to that fire that will pierce mind and awaken heart, usually with words but in any way. I have burned so long in that dark to purify my heart, that my gift is reflection and illusion. I feel long before my mind will make words out of it, and by then my nervous system has already harmonized to project the optimum presence for benefit of all present. I am always called to heal, as I heal. I think it’s a fallacy that healers are never sick. Healers need to know sickness and pain! Healing happens at the soul level. The rest is our dance with nature.
This is why it is not so much what we do but how we feel about it that is the real magick. The ability to create energetic space for intentional transformation/transmutation, and then release the creation to the will of the All for manifestation of the highest good without personal attachment, and give thanks that it is complete – this is magick. This is prayer.
It is not easy to walk the worlds and be in this one but no one else can be me for me 😉 this is also why I value a good team to help cover all the bases. Together is better anyway.
To quote the old movie One True Thing, Less is not more, more is more. The more the merrier. Even though sometimes I need to disappear in some way for a little while.
One time during walking meditation I mustered the courage to ask who am I? Karma was the answer. Karma is blind, there is no intent to harm, there is only a vessel for reflection of truth, and this truth doesn’t come in words. It comes in an energetic wave that sets off a chain reaction of events that travel or tunnel through our quantum reality, like the butterfly effect but personal.