Write To Please One Person

I feel heavy and sore. The words don’t flow as easily as they do sometimes. It’s as if I’m standing at a fork in the road; do I write as a survivor from the depths of my soul, or write to earn.

Why not both?

Writing because the soul demands it, harnessing the opposing griffins of creativity and commerce with an invitation to be strong, kind and benevolent and practical.

It seems a lot sometimes. But that’s just like feeling bloated – often it feels worse than it is.

I feel bloated with effort, inflamed with tender determination. I’m in process and writing is a big part of that healing process. Not just the writing or the structure or the distribution or the validation of an appreciative reader, but all of it – the thinking, the heart, the feels, the action, the experience of taking abstract ideas that won’t be left alone and giving them shape in some reality with words that are seasoned with the sugar and spices of life, with bold and quiet moments, with the knowledge that there is beauty anywhere we feel and say it is, and in times like this, this gives hope to anyone who wants it. Even me.

I’ve been wrestling with novels and life in a new way. Novel means new and noteworthy too. Breast cancer behind me, surgery and rebuilding ahead of me.

I thought I could write myself into a new existence with intention, documenting the rewiring of my mind and the rehabilitation of my body through storytelling – through love stories.

Maybe if I looked into my own eyes and sat silently with the contents of my soul, I could become a better, stronger me – the one I sculpted from all the bits of The Bygone, the one I would set free.

Could I write to please her?

Inspired by a Facebook Post I wrote 3 months ago and am trying to embed in WordPress.com :) See link below.

If you enjoy this or want to help me get my head straight, please consider donating to my current gofundme campaign!

Thank you for reading. xx


#nanowrimo starts in 7 days…

img_5351This year I am doing some new things. I feel finally ready to embrace plotting over pantsing. Organizing my work ahead of time over winging it and letting the story unfold as I write.

Last few years my mind has resembled more a herd of wild horses following the thunderous bellows of an unseen dragon.

To me, this is not a call for plodding, but for pantsing. And so I heeded the call and ran like the horses and the gusty wind. Well, my fingers did.

I found my plodding role model in Darynda Jones, New York Times best selling author and earner of other grand awards such as the Golden Heart and RITA. Phenomenal approach. I #nanowrimo webinar with Reedsy on Youtube.

I am now a ploooooooottttter! 

Also because while I have been writing and drawing for close to 4 decades – or since I could hold a pencil – or perhaps it was chopsticks! – I feel that the breast cancer and chemo and other challenges I invited into my life may have rebooted me into a serious beginner’s mind like I have not known before.

BYE BYE OLD STORY PLAN! I decided to toss out my whole old story idea that many of you know I have been holding close to my heart and conversations for many years. (My mind and heart and mouth are connected beyond reason sometimes – another conversation for another time).

The reason being, sometimes those blankies and narratives become too small – or perhaps even too smelly for the wash – and they just need to get burned up so something else can replace them. Something bigger, better, warmer, cooler, more perfect for now.

Yep, bye bye old idea and old plan. You were born to die. Thank you for what you did for me.

More questions. Along with that, last night I questioned whether novel writing was even a good idea for me. I have toyed more with the idea of adding novel techniques to non-fiction and documentation in a way that makes for better user engagement, etc. Maybe later.

But after discussing with a good writerly friend – sweet fiction seemed the way to go. Yep, not sure you will ever hear my full story as an autobiography. It’s just not very Geminian really – in my recent discoveries and maybe part of the reason I had so much resistance to it.

As soon as I decided on that, my mindset completely changed into one I felt at peace with.

And that, is always my goal as a writer. Whatever story I tell, whatever message I share or communicate for myself (or others as a ghost writer or communication consultant), I want to develop the right mindset and heart space so that the words take on a life of their own and lead the readers into a new world that enhances the one that they live in.

Other preparations such as food, personal care, simple as possible for me please. I am glad that I have fingers to type, a soul that writes, and a mind that is okay with changing – beyond okay actually, I embrace it.

And that’s where I’m at with my prep for #nanowrimo2016!

Sketching ideas before digitizing makes planning digital experience a tactile experience!